Wisdom of the Old Farts

According to Wikipedia, ancient people believed chickpeas had medical uses such as increasing sperm (they forgot to mention that in It’s Complicated!) and milk, provoking menstruation and urine. Personally, I don’t want any of those things increased, provoked, or even helped along a little bit. Maybe those ancient people were wrong. Because we all know I eat the same amount of chickpeas as the entire population of Rhode Island, and as far as I know I don’t have ANY sperm OR milk production going on, recently decreasing levels of menstruation, and regular amounts of urine.


Speaking of urine…why do dogs like the smell of pee so much? Is it the elixir of the dogs?   (I’ve been wanting to work that into the blog for a long time but couldn’t figure out how, until now. I know, it’s a stretch.)

Those mistaken ancient people also thought that chickpeas could be used to treat kidney stones. I think this must be because they thought it would increase urine flow, which is recommended in cases of kidney stones. Did you know that if you pass kidney stones you are supposed to save them and take them to your doctor for testing? That’s testing with an E, not tasting with an A. I think you could just take some dried chick peas in to the doctor and pretend those are the stones. Maybe that’s what those ancient people have in mind.

And by ancient people, do they mean people who are just really really old? Or people from ancient times? Or people from ancient times who were really really old? Maybe Wikipedia was trying to be polite and instead of saying “demented old farts” they said “ancient people.”

Soon I may qualify as an expert source for Wikipedia on the topic of hummus.  I think I will say that it improves your finger-chopping off skills, your ability to raise one eyebrow, and makes you cool as a cucumber.  (Did anyone else see the Colbert report last night?  Now THAT guy can raise one eyebrow.)