Slay bells ring, are you listenin'?
My girl has a dark side as it turns out. Weird humor involving a psychopathic killer llama cartoon on youtube. CARL has become a frightening word in our house. As in "Carl, there's a dead body in the house." Carl replies "Oh. I did not know that."
I saw a funny cross-stitch for sale at a thrift store this week entitled "Dolly Mama Cross Stitch." The cross-stitch patterns involved somewhat irreverent activities and adult beverages. The Dolly Mama is the kind of lama or llama that would relate to the Carl videos, I suppose.
Lately I hear a lot of "mom, mom, watch this it's so funny." I remember this stage of life when I could not, for the life of me, figure out why my parents had no sense of humor. Or rather, not my sense of humor. And now that I'm a parent of preteenagers, well, I can see the light. In fact, I think I might need my sunglasses at all times when kids are present.
About Me
- Kim
- United States
- Getting older is not for sissies. I'm not a sissy, thank goodness. I'm a physical therapist, mom, daughter, sister, friend, and I am looking forward to "what's next?"
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Christmas Wishes
The girl wants a manual typewriter, and a DNA testing kit from 23andMe so she can find out her genetic heritage (but not the silly scary health stuff). The boy wants an Xbox. Guess who will NOT be getting what he wants. Oh, wait, I ruined the surprise by using a gender-specific pronoun. I hate it when that happens.
The kids' stepmom is having a baby. She is due December 28th. The girl wants it to be a girl. The boy wants it to be a boy. Unless there are surprise twins, someone won't get what they want in this case, either. We just don't yet know who will be the lucky winner.
The Player doesn't know what he wants. I don't know what I want either. The Player is, however, glad I did not check out a mystery that I saw at the library titled "The Player to be Maimed Later." I did look at it and chuckle, however.
The Player and I are thinking of giving each other lottery tickets so if we get a winner, we could get a NEW car, or a TRIP TO HAWAII...does it sound like The Price is Right, yet?
I think ultimately we don't want anything we don't already have. And that is one fine place to be!
The kids' stepmom is having a baby. She is due December 28th. The girl wants it to be a girl. The boy wants it to be a boy. Unless there are surprise twins, someone won't get what they want in this case, either. We just don't yet know who will be the lucky winner.
The Player doesn't know what he wants. I don't know what I want either. The Player is, however, glad I did not check out a mystery that I saw at the library titled "The Player to be Maimed Later." I did look at it and chuckle, however.
The Player and I are thinking of giving each other lottery tickets so if we get a winner, we could get a NEW car, or a TRIP TO HAWAII...does it sound like The Price is Right, yet?
I think ultimately we don't want anything we don't already have. And that is one fine place to be!
Monday, December 2, 2013
Annual Mammagramma
Which does not translate into mother-grandmother, exactly.
I went to the Gail Keeran Center for Women where I get my annual boob-squishing-x-raying done. It's a lovely place with fireplaces in the nice waiting areas, though after several years of mammograms at the GKC I've yet to wait long. Today, as last year, I was finished, dressed, and out the door before my actual appointment time. Wowee wow wow!
When I disrobed from the waist up , I was given a warm top to snap in front. It made me feel a little like Nicki Minaj appearing on the Ellen show.
It turns out that trying to look like Nicki Minaj appearing on the Ellen Show has already been done. By Ellen, on her show, on Halloween:
Of course, I forgot to wear my black leather pants to complete the look.
The garment I wore was more like a very short cape than a jacket, so after I thought about it awhile I decided I might be a new breed of superhero. Super Mammamama!!
As all you ladies over 40 know, when you get a mammogram, the technician always ask if you have had any problems with your breasts. This year I decided to mention that The Girls have seemed a little more droopy lately. She didn't seem to think that was a medical emergency. I suppose she had last year's evidence to prove it was a pre-existing condition.
I went to the Gail Keeran Center for Women where I get my annual boob-squishing-x-raying done. It's a lovely place with fireplaces in the nice waiting areas, though after several years of mammograms at the GKC I've yet to wait long. Today, as last year, I was finished, dressed, and out the door before my actual appointment time. Wowee wow wow!
When I disrobed from the waist up , I was given a warm top to snap in front. It made me feel a little like Nicki Minaj appearing on the Ellen show.
It turns out that trying to look like Nicki Minaj appearing on the Ellen Show has already been done. By Ellen, on her show, on Halloween:
Of course, I forgot to wear my black leather pants to complete the look.
The garment I wore was more like a very short cape than a jacket, so after I thought about it awhile I decided I might be a new breed of superhero. Super Mammamama!!
As all you ladies over 40 know, when you get a mammogram, the technician always ask if you have had any problems with your breasts. This year I decided to mention that The Girls have seemed a little more droopy lately. She didn't seem to think that was a medical emergency. I suppose she had last year's evidence to prove it was a pre-existing condition.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
For Which I am Grateful
There are many items that fit into that category. Those that are foremost in my mind today are:
1. Fleece-lined tights. O my goodness they are so comfy and warm, and were not very expensive when I happened upon them shopping at Meier last week with my mom.
2. My parents have moved back to Illinois and are only 2 hours away now! They were at my home for Thanksgiving for the first time in.... maybe ever!
3. I have a job that pays the bills and then some. And most days I like it just fine.
4. Strangers sometimes strike up fun and friendly conversations with me. On Friday when I was headed out to work, I stopped for gas and met an older woman who wanted to chat about price-gouging at the pump. So I obliged her and it was fun and friendly.
5. Speaking of gas, The Player seems to think my toots are funny. And I 'm pretty sure that means it is "True Love."
6. My kids are healthy and beautiful and talented. Of course!
7. I have some good non-digital ideas for Christmas gifts for the healthy, beautiful and talented aforementioned kids.
8. Christmas is coming, and if you don't know what to get your loved ones, see item #1 above!!
1. Fleece-lined tights. O my goodness they are so comfy and warm, and were not very expensive when I happened upon them shopping at Meier last week with my mom.
2. My parents have moved back to Illinois and are only 2 hours away now! They were at my home for Thanksgiving for the first time in.... maybe ever!
3. I have a job that pays the bills and then some. And most days I like it just fine.
4. Strangers sometimes strike up fun and friendly conversations with me. On Friday when I was headed out to work, I stopped for gas and met an older woman who wanted to chat about price-gouging at the pump. So I obliged her and it was fun and friendly.
5. Speaking of gas, The Player seems to think my toots are funny. And I 'm pretty sure that means it is "True Love."
6. My kids are healthy and beautiful and talented. Of course!
7. I have some good non-digital ideas for Christmas gifts for the healthy, beautiful and talented aforementioned kids.
8. Christmas is coming, and if you don't know what to get your loved ones, see item #1 above!!
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Not Even a Shingle!
Sunday, as everyone knows, Central Illinois got hit by some seriously scary and dangerous weather. The kids and I rushed out of church as quickly as we could, having been warned that bad weather was supposed to arrive about noon. It was our Sunday to set up and therefore to also put things away after the service. I asked for a little help to do that job and got a lot of help instead! Hurrah for the helpers.
The kids and I got home and it was not yet raining. We had planned to put the deck items away for the winter on Sunday afternoon, so we grabbed as many things as we could before the rain started. Actually we kept working until all the valuables and breakables could be safely stowed: planters, the table, chairs, the grill, trellises, and such. As soon as we finished that, J-dude grabbed Pi the Curious Cat so he would not be swept out to sea, and we all (Samarra the Salmon-Eating-Plate-Smashing Critter included) headed inside JUST as it started to hail.
I don't know much about history, don't know much trigonometry, don't know much about science books, don't know much about the French I took, but I DO know that Hail is a Bad Sign during a Tornado Watch. Which, of course, was already a Tornado Warning but I didn't know that yet.
The Player was at a secure location in Ohio. So the 5 of us headed to the lower level of the house. We listened as the wind got louder and the rain got rainier. Sisi confessed to feeling scared, though she acted very brave. We hung out in the laundry closet, kind of waiting for something big to happen. But it just blustered and blew and then it was over.
The sun came out, and we went outside to survey the damage. A few branches down, nothing we couldn't haul to the curb ourselves. We looked around a while and finally Sisi found a shingle in the yard.
I texted the roofer who had just replaced our roof earlier in the week. He said he would come by and replace it. Today one of his employees came by and climbed up on the roof. Turns out we didn't lose even a shingle...it was just a piece left behind when they did the roof and the wind blew it out from wherever it had been hiding.
We are feeling blessed and lucky. Very very lucky!
The kids and I got home and it was not yet raining. We had planned to put the deck items away for the winter on Sunday afternoon, so we grabbed as many things as we could before the rain started. Actually we kept working until all the valuables and breakables could be safely stowed: planters, the table, chairs, the grill, trellises, and such. As soon as we finished that, J-dude grabbed Pi the Curious Cat so he would not be swept out to sea, and we all (Samarra the Salmon-Eating-Plate-Smashing Critter included) headed inside JUST as it started to hail.
I don't know much about history, don't know much trigonometry, don't know much about science books, don't know much about the French I took, but I DO know that Hail is a Bad Sign during a Tornado Watch. Which, of course, was already a Tornado Warning but I didn't know that yet.
The Player was at a secure location in Ohio. So the 5 of us headed to the lower level of the house. We listened as the wind got louder and the rain got rainier. Sisi confessed to feeling scared, though she acted very brave. We hung out in the laundry closet, kind of waiting for something big to happen. But it just blustered and blew and then it was over.
The sun came out, and we went outside to survey the damage. A few branches down, nothing we couldn't haul to the curb ourselves. We looked around a while and finally Sisi found a shingle in the yard.
I texted the roofer who had just replaced our roof earlier in the week. He said he would come by and replace it. Today one of his employees came by and climbed up on the roof. Turns out we didn't lose even a shingle...it was just a piece left behind when they did the roof and the wind blew it out from wherever it had been hiding.
We are feeling blessed and lucky. Very very lucky!
Sunday, November 17, 2013
When The Dog is in The Dog House
Thursday we had a treat for dinner...salmon! It smelled so good, and looked so delicious. There were 4 of us at the table, and a cat and dog lurking in the shadows. As I served a nice big piece to Sisi...a huge part of it fell to the floor. Before I could even utter a four letter word, Samarra had swooped in and gobbled it down in two bites.
That wasn't really unexpected, or even upsetting. But within a few more seconds she had gone over by the patio door and regurgitated it. Thank goodness The Player has a strong enough digestive system to clean it up and still eat his own dinner. I was pretty unhappy that the No One of God's Creatures really got to enjoy that hunk of meat, though.
After dinner The Player and I were loading the dishwasher. Samarra was trying to help by pre-washing the silverware for us, when her Thunder Shirt (which we use to keep her calm and less barky) got caught on the bottom tray of plates. Instead of keeping her calm, it understandably freaked her out when she backed away and brought the entire tray out with her and along the kitchen floor, bouncing and breaking dishes.
The Player freed her from her bondage, and we cleaned up the broken dishware. Looks like the Dog House Roof will have some mosaic work with violets on it!!
That wasn't really unexpected, or even upsetting. But within a few more seconds she had gone over by the patio door and regurgitated it. Thank goodness The Player has a strong enough digestive system to clean it up and still eat his own dinner. I was pretty unhappy that the No One of God's Creatures really got to enjoy that hunk of meat, though.
After dinner The Player and I were loading the dishwasher. Samarra was trying to help by pre-washing the silverware for us, when her Thunder Shirt (which we use to keep her calm and less barky) got caught on the bottom tray of plates. Instead of keeping her calm, it understandably freaked her out when she backed away and brought the entire tray out with her and along the kitchen floor, bouncing and breaking dishes.
The Player freed her from her bondage, and we cleaned up the broken dishware. Looks like the Dog House Roof will have some mosaic work with violets on it!!
Monday, November 11, 2013
The Miracle of the Bed Time Snack
This is not one of Jesus' parables, but it should be. A parable for worried mothers who think their sons will never eat anything willingly except bacon, donuts, hot dogs, French fries, and ice cream. With the occasional candy bar thrown in for fiber, I guess. Not that their sons will not eat anything else, but it requires a lengthy discussion of why one must have carrots with dinner or what will happen if one does not willingly eat anything but bacon for breakfast for their entire life (entire short life I might add.)
So imagine my sense of God's grace floating down from the heavens when last night J-dude discovered the bowl of green grapes on the kitchen table in the evening. When he ate all of the remaining 1/2 pound of grapes on the table. (Did I mention he is finally growing into his very large feet?) When he asked for more for his bedtime snack and was sorely disappointed to find there was no secret stash in the fridge. Imagine how I felt the presence of angels singing all around me when I asked what else might he like for a snack, and he answered, "Oh, some other fruit or vegetable. Maybe some mixed vegetables or canned corn."
All I can say is Praise the Lord and Pass the Grapes!!!
So imagine my sense of God's grace floating down from the heavens when last night J-dude discovered the bowl of green grapes on the kitchen table in the evening. When he ate all of the remaining 1/2 pound of grapes on the table. (Did I mention he is finally growing into his very large feet?) When he asked for more for his bedtime snack and was sorely disappointed to find there was no secret stash in the fridge. Imagine how I felt the presence of angels singing all around me when I asked what else might he like for a snack, and he answered, "Oh, some other fruit or vegetable. Maybe some mixed vegetables or canned corn."
All I can say is Praise the Lord and Pass the Grapes!!!
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